October 2011

To be sure, Miami is beautiful city.

It isn’t everyone’s cup of café (with or without leche, depending in your taste), but that it is a beauty among cities in the Southeastern United States, is a fact that is hard to deny.

A place of palm trees and Tropical breezes, her beaches are the playground of the Caribbean, and she is home to the rich and famous, the beautiful and the brash, royalty and the mega-rich, Miami could make an argument that it deserves the title of city that never sleeps.

Miami is the Cruise Capital of the World, and with its multi-billion dollar per year trade industry, she is the Gateway to the Americas. Brickell Avenue, near Downtown, is home to the largest concentration of international banks in the US, and with AIG, American Airlines, Cisco, Disney, Exxon, FedEx, HP, Kraft Foods, Microsoft, Oracle, SBC Communications, Sony, and Visa locating their Latin American Operations Headquarters in Miami, right alongside the corporate headquarters for Univision, Telemundo, Bacardi, Ryder, Arquitectonica, Burger King, Benihana, Pollo Tropical, AutoNation, Citrix, DHL, Spirit Airlines, Norwegian Cruise Lines, Royal Caribbean, and Carnival Corporation, Miami is an economic giant.

In fact, in 2009, the Swiss global financing company UBS ranked Miami as the 4th richest city in the world, and both the richest city (in terms of purchasing power), AND the third poorest city (according to incidence of family incomes below the poverty line) in the United States.

One would THINK that Miami would attract the undivided attention of the Occupy (fill in the blank) Movement.

That’s what I thought anyway, so I decided to go check this thing out for myself, maybe even engage some of the group’s activists in a healthy debate.

I Googled “occupy Miami” to find them, and off I went.

Mind you, I know that the myriad of available activities in South Florida, not the least of which being simply finding a spot by the surf to stretch out your beach towel, tends to overwhelm the native population with options on how to spend their free time, which made me wonder just exactly WHO would have the time (and inclination) to protest in our city. This is something that impacts the local professional teams to such a degree, that it caught that sharp eye (and wit) of none other than The Onion’s writing staff.

The Marlin’s “third-from-the-bottom” performance is only challenged by the Miami Dolphins, who appear to be standing on the shoulders of the boys of Miami’s summer, in order to rise to 29th out of 32 NFL teams in attendance. Dolfans are a strident, resilient lot however, and they manage to still hold on to that undefeated season, back when Shula was King, and Nixon was President.

They also have Marino’s records.

No rings, just records.

These days Dan appears in TV ads for both Hooters and Nutri-System. Maybe, he should figure out that Hooters + wings = a need for Nutri-System.

But I digress…


Did I mention our hockey team?

We have one you know.

Anyway, my Google search produced some newspaper articles about the Occupy Miami Movement, and things seemed odd.

Occupy Miami movement tries to get organized

Dozens of protesters remained camped outside the Miami-Dade Government Center on a rainy Sunday, trying to further organize their movement.

Outside the Miami-Dade Government Center, where county commissioners regularly pass laws, more than 50 people — from college students to middle-aged parents — sat in a circle Sunday, trying to establish their own set of rules.
How would they respond if confronted by police? Should they accept monetary donations, or would it compromise their case against big business? Would they recycle?
They gathered in downtown Miami for the second day of the Occupy Miami movement. Fourteen canvas tents on a grassy plaza at the rear of the center now house “occupiers” who hope to copy the month-old Occupy Wall Street movement . The New York City protest started on Sept. 17.

That article was dated October 10, nearly a month after the start of the occupation of Wall Street, and these guys are still trying to get started?

Is there such a concept as anarchoapathy!

Fifty people?

You can get more than fifty people staring at the ceiling in any Mall in Miami if you just stand there and stare at it yourself for longer than five minutes.

More than fifty people show up at any empty Miami parking lot where Latin Burger and Taco announces that their food truck will be serving Macho Burgers and Chicken Tomatillo Tacos for lunch on any given day of the week!

Fifty people is the normal lunch line at La Camaronera, and not even a decent crowd at the Versailles’ coffee window in Little Havana!

John McCain goes Cuban

John McCain finds out that not even the GOP nominee can get away with jumping the cafecito line at Versailles.

So off I went to find this, the core of the New American Revolution, the brain thrust of the Populist Democracy Movement in action in Downtown Miami, and I am here now to report my findings.

That’s it.

Twenty tents and three dozen people being gawked at by another three dozen curiosity hounds, and just like that, the revolution finds out what the Marlins and the Fins already know…South Floridians don’t waste their time on losers, and with a large population of refugees from places where wealth redistribution went from slogan to practice, they sure as HELL don’t have time for a bunch of soaking wet Socialist malcontents blathering about what they ain’t got, and trying to sell envy and entitlement as something other than…well, envy and entitlement.

So, my guess is that Occupy Miami will eventually figure out that Miami is otherwise occupied, and it will slither away quietly into the warm Tropical night without so much as a parting whimper.

If these guys were really serious about attracting some attention, they should pay closer attention to Latin Burger, Burger Beast, and The Gourmet Food Truck Association, and get some Gourmet Food Trucks to roll up to their “camp”.

Let the Pincho Factory, gastroPod, Big Kahuna, Ms. Cheezious (Oh man! Their grilled Swiss and Gruyere on Country White Bread is out of this world!), El Rey de las Fritas, The Fish Box, Nacho Bizness, Sugar Rush (You have GOT to be adventurous to try their Maple and Bacon cupcake, but you won’t regret doing it) and a few others set up shop near your protest, with Latin Burger holding center court, pumping out Macho Burgers (that’s a chorizo, chuck and sirloin burger topped with oaxaca cheese, caramelized onions and jalapenos with your choice of their secret avocadolicious sauce or some red pepper mayo) faster than you can say “Che Guevara is dead” and watch Miami respond.

Miami Street Food Friday

They’ll learn a few things too.

They’ll learn about Miami, about how to get people talking to one another, and most importantly, about economics in a free market system.

If they pay close attention, they’ll figure out that the culmination of a good idea combined with hard work is success, and that the best way to profit from the success of others isn’t to demand to share in their rewards, or to whine about not being successful, but rather to imitate their work habits and try to become successful yourself.

There was a time, not very long ago, when there was only Latin Burger and Taco working the streets of Miami.

Now THAT’s how you run a revolution!


I get it.

I get it.

I get the Occupy Wall Street Movement, and I am signing on.

Who cares if we don’t all have exactly the same message, the point is that we get out there and voice our opinion, that we rage against the machine, that we empower those of us who have been left behind by that elite who control all that is pure, all that is real, all that is at the core of everything that IS America.

I get it.

I am ready to embrace the movement.

I am going to put up a tent.

I am going to hoist up a sign.

I‘m gonna let my freak flag fly!

Won’t you join me?

Join me in standing up for the 2.6 million kids who leave their hearts out on hundreds of thousands of Little League fields across the nation, NO…across the WORLD, every year. Kids whose names are NOT enshrined in that Country Club of Baseball Elitism known as the Baseball Hall of Fame, because it is reserved for that top .001% of players; only the elite need apply.

Occupy Cooperstown!

Why should one thousandth of one percent of all baseball players control 100% of the space in the Baseball Hall of Fame?

Reject the Politics of Glory.

Let everyone who has contributed to the game share equal recognition. Promote contribution equality and reject the obscene glory greed in display in Cooperstown.

Take little Timmy Ofterdworfl.

Timmy was a member of the Prineville Dodgers.

Timmy only played three games before he got his uniform dirty and was forced to leave the game he loved so much by his mother. The important thing isn’t that he never got on base, or that he would swing two and three times at one pitch. It isn’t even that he got his uniform dirty when he tripped over a sprinkler on his way out to his right fielder’s position and left the game crying.

What’s important is that Timmy tried, and that the possible damage to his self esteem and to the self esteem of millions of kids just like him brought about by the unequal distribution of space in the Halls of Glory Greed at Cooperstown is downright unfair.

I sent out a Twitter, and am excited at the responses from other activists in the iCloud Revolution. I can feel the anger building up in parents’ basements and unfurnished efficiencies across America where kindred spirits rage against the establishment.

I want to thank the members of “Occupy American Idol” and the “W.U.A.T.F” (Women’s Urinal Assault Task Force) for their support, and send out a big, organic, solidarity (non-aggressive) fist bump to the “Boomerang Kids for Free Xbox Live” movement out in Hillcrest.

Occupy Cooperstown!

We are the 99.99%!

Announcement: Our next organizational meeting has been moved to the Starbucks on Melindre Ave, so please do not show up at the Dunkin Donuts on 5Th and Callaway, as they will probably call the authorities if you do. And once again PLEASE refrain from bathing in Starbuck’s restrooms, as we are running low on meeting places and don’t want to lose another one.