In the tradition of Letterman’s Top Ten List, and as a response to the House Rules Committee listing of things you can’t say in Congress, here is my list of the Top Ten Things You Can’t Say To Obama:
10. Sir, were you aware that Vice President Biden was on FOX News live earlier today?
9. Long distance on line 2, it’s your pediatrician calling from Nairobi.
8. Your interns? We hired most of them through ACORN. Is that a problem sir?
7. The First Lady is in a meeting with President Clinton and asked not to be disturbed.
6. Don’t forget your lunch with President Carter tomorrow.
5. Pelosi says she’s got your back on this one.
4. There’s always next year sir.
3. The teleprompter is on the fritz, you’ll have to wing this one sir.
2. I have 31, Rahm counted 27, and Orzag says there are 29…how many Czars did you come up with sir?
1. Sorry Mr. President, Secretary Clinton isn’t taking calls until after her meeting with the DNC Candidate Vetting Committee.
September 17, 2009 at 11:14 am
Top Ten reasons why your list can’t be in the tradition of Letterman Top Ten list:
10. You don’t have a freaky-looking sycophant of indeterminate sexuality annoyingly chortling at every joke your list.
9. You write your own material.
8. Bill O’Reilly wouldn’t make you look like a jackass on your own show.
7. At 6’2″ 98 lbs, you can easily bench press David Letterman.
6. Your mom isn’t embarrassed by her son.
5. You don’t have a creepy Silence of the Lambs-like obsession with Sarah Palin.
4. Re: the above, if the Obamas were conservative, Letterman would have changed your #7 from First Lady to Sasha or Malia (whoever one is younger).
3. You would not be slaughtered in the ratings by Jay Leno.
2. You’d have much better looking stalkers.
1. Your list is actually funny.